Final Entry

4 weeks ago I was wondering if anyone wanted to get on this roller coaster for me just to give me a break they’d be more than welcome. The doctors and nurses warn that there will be ups and downs over the weeks and months ahead but it never really prepares you properly. You can’t possibly know to what extent you will be slung up and down and round and about.

After nearly 4 weeks I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I had raging hormones and cried at the slightest thing and then I’d get really frustrated with myself because I couldn’t control the tears whether I shed them for the good things or the not so good things that came our way. I’m so glad that Blaine and I are so strong together, we have kept each other going and we are getting a lot of support in many different forms from our family and friends.

The reason for all this emotional mayhem is infection. The babies are too little to fight the infections themselves and they also have a PDA which means a duct in their hearts aren’t closing and their lungs keep flooding with blood, this in turn means they have a lot of secretions on their lungs which keeps gunking them up and they have to stay on ventilators which provide oxygen.

The oxygen can affect their eyesight if they remain on ventilators for too long. There are also tummy infections which can be very serious indeed but, the babies are pumped with antibiotics at the slightest hint of an infection. Knowing this helps but the emotions you go through, seeing your baby become poorly and be prodded and poked constantly is heart wrenching.

Most people go through this with one baby and it is hard. Blaine and I have had to go through this with 3 babies, all taking it in turns at being poorly. Each good day is followed by several not so good days and a week of antibiotics and nil by mouth and another day and another week goes by and you still haven’t been able to hold them. It takes its toll and it is exhausting, you can’t afford to get ahead of yourself and take anything for granted.

You can’t go to the hospital with any expectations just in case one or all of them are poorly again. There are also times when other babies come in to ITU and don’t make it. Its heart breaking but it rams it home just how fortunate you are that your baby is alive and the outlook is positive even if they are poorly.

Blaine, Poppy and Molly are 7 weeks old today (33 weeks gestation if I was still pregnant) and were promoted from ITU to HDU earlier this week. All have had three weeks of being well, with no set backs at all. All are gaining weight and are making great big giant steps of progress. They are on target for coming home mid November but as always we are taking nothing for granted.

Cuddles are more frequent and we are as involved with their care as we can be. We change their nappies and feed them albeit through a gastro tube and syringe. Molly had to have an operation to tie her PDA and has recovered magnificently, she is a real fighter she is just shy of 3lb now. Poppy is just over 3lb and Little Blaine is a right chunk at 3lb 10. Our lives are never going to be ordinary and we don’t want it to be. We can’t wait to get our babies home and start our life as a proper family. We’ll take the madness in our stride and count our blessings that our 3 babies are thriving.

Oh yeah, we got the pram sorted, it’s a bloomin’ limo and I reckon I’m going to end up doing some damage trying to steer it. Should be a laugh!